Released: Nov 01st, 1990
Running Time: 73
Director: Edward Lee
Company: Infinity Video
Cast: Brain Estevez, Gino Colbert, Ted Cox, Hans Mueller, Les Stine, Roberto Arias, Jake Corbin, Randy Cochran, Lon Flexx
Critical Rating: AAA
Genre: Gay and Bi
What an incredibly weird one this is. It has more assets butted up against more problems than anything I've seen this year. In fact, it is so rich with oddness, near-misses, unexpected sweet moments, and the occasional bit of lavishness, that it's worth getting just for its density. This marks the launching of Infinity Video, a second gay product line to compliment Video Exclusive's Stallion line. It gets off to an inauspicious start with a box that claims "Running Time: 2 hours" while the cassette inside has T-75 stamped on it.
Lon Flexs is a 25 year-old virgin accountant. His buddy, Buddy (Brian Estevez) has promised to bring over for Lon, the "boy of his dreams". Instead, he brings over Gino Colbert. As Lon flinches, Gino goes down on him. When Lon complains that Gino isn't the boy of his dreams, Buddy replies, "this is a real as it gets —nasty, huh?" Then, in prance Jake Corbin and Matthew Windsor, dressed as a jungle boy and a Roman senator respectively. Oh, I forgot to mention, it's Halloween night, and the whole feature is Lon Flexx's dream and/or nightmare.
The four head off to a wax museum and a bizarre costume drama unfolds, with the dummies coming to life to add to the confusion. This show was either really shot in a wax museum after hours, or was prop hell to produce. The props, sets, and lighting are truly amazing.
Everyone wears a ton of make-up, of course. I had never thought to wonder whether or not Hans Mueller had a sister, but now I know what she would look like. The feature provides a field day for historical revisionists. We discover that Ashley Wilkes had a tattoo. Maybe that's what Miss Melanie saw in him. Buck rogers is uncut. Good to know. King Tut has a big black dick. Could that have been what Howard Carter first saw when he opened the tomb?
Bad microphone placement and overused slow motion effects prevent this ambitious undertaking from coming off well. With a little more care and some effort put into dialogue and accent adjustment, Mystic Museum would be a must. But retailers should note that the packaging is nice and it's different enough to be worth stocking.